Why I'm Leaving My Feminist Job

Straight out of college, I got my dream job with a national reproductive health organization.  I was coordinating all of our volunteer projects, working on special events and even dabbling in some public affairs work.  I phone banked for Obama, did an overhaul of our existing programs and implemented some new opportunities. I had the freedom to try new ideas and got paid to hang out with volunteers - the people who care the most about our mission.

And last week, less than 3 years after taking my dream job, I resigned. 

It wasn't an easy decision. Was the management perfect, the workplace drama free, and all of those other happy workplace things? Of course not, but that's not why I left. I left because...

• I have to leave to get the skills to come back.  Many non-profit organizations just don't have networks in place to move their talented young people up through the ranks.  We're still fighting older feminists to "prove ourselves" (see my post about what that's crap here).  There's no money to pay for conferences and classes, and the interest in mentoring young people just isn't there.  While there are certainly people who feel otherwise, they seem to be the exception, not the rule.
• I have to leave to avoid burn out.  Our colleagues in rape crisis centers and domestic violence prevention programs have learned something that we haven't - you have to take care of yourself so you can take care of others.  Walking through a picket line to get to work everyday takes its toll; not knowing if someone will call you a "baby-killer" when you introduce yourself - that just gets old.  The reproductive health movement hasn't built the same support network that other areas of feminist work have, and it's telling.  Do I think these protesters and anti-choicers are right, or are they making me less pro-choice? Of course not.  Does seeing them every single day take its toll? You better believe it.
• I can do more for the movement by not working there.  I have decided to stay with my organization as part of their Young Professionals group, and I can already see myself taking more risks and being willing to do more now that I'm a volunteer and not a staff person.  My whole identity isn't tied into this anymore, so when someone disagrees with me, it's easier to shrug it off.  In my new job, I'll be building my network in my community far beyond just the people whose main cause is reproductive health, which allows me to connect new people to the work. 
• It's someone else's turn. My job was awesome when I had just graduated from college, when I didn't even know how to act in a business meeting, when I didn't mind working 70 hours a week.  This job will make another young feminist incredibly happy, and s/he will be able to build on the work that I did, as I was able to build on the work that was done before me.  Our organizations need new ideas and fresh energy, and I could see myself losing that.  I care too much about the movement and the organization to let them suffer because the work was personally taking a toll on me.

My new position is working with a leadership development program for inner city youth.  Bringing a feminist prospective to this work will be important, as will all of the personal and professional opportunities this new job will provide me.  I'm grateful that I spent the first few years of my career where I did, but it's time for something new.

A "Normal" Marriage

Did you catch the profile on the Obama's marriage in this weekend's New York Times Magazine? It's definitely worth reading.

I have admired the Obama's marriage (or at least their public portrayal of it) since the primary campaign. As a young woman, it was refreshing to see what looked like a "real" marriage in the public realm. When they hold hands, it seems genuine. When they danced at the Inauguration, it was like a fairy tale. They seem to be reminding me everyday that that sort of relationship is achievable.

Michelle Obama mentions during their interview that the reason they decided to do a profile on their marriage wasn't to show how easy everything is when you're madly in love. Quite the opposite actually. Talking about difficult times earlier in their marriage, the First Lady says: “'This was sort of the eye-opener to me, that marriage is hard,' the first lady said with a little laugh. 'But going into it, no one ever tells you that. They just tell you, ‘Do you love him?’ ‘What’s the dress look like?’ ”

The Obamas had to create a "new normal" for themselves early in their marriage. They quickly realized that their marriage wasn't going to look like the cookie cutter norm, home at 5:00 for dinner every night. But they made it work. They made a new normal for themselves.

As a young woman in a committed relationship, I struggle with this. I feel a lot of pressure that my relationship be "normal," that we seem to be in love, that we act in the "right" ways. But why does it have to be normal? If we are in a healthy relationship that works for us, it works for us.

So how do we shake the pressure to be just like everyone else? Yuck - no one told me being a twenty-something was going to resemble 7th grade in more ways than one...

Are you a woman? Consider moving to Iceland... or Cuba?

The World Economic Forum released it's Global Gender Gap Index today, and if you live in the United States, the news is grim.

The US is ranked 31, just behind CUBA and Lituania. Ugh - very unimpressive. You can see the whole list of rankings here. Iceland took hom the gold with a #1 ranking.

According to the World Economic Form's website, "The report’s Index assesses countries on how well they are dividing their resources and opportunities among their male and female populations, regardless of the overall levels of these resources and opportunities. " They also explain the United States 3-drop in ranking as "owing to minor drops in the participation of women in the economy and improvements in the scores of previously lower-ranking countries."

Ok - being ranked 28 wouldn't really impress me either.

They measure the gender inequality gap in the following categories:

1. Economic participation and opportunity – outcomes on salaries, participation levels and access to high-skilled employment
2. Educational attainment – outcomes on access to basic and higher level education
3. Political empowerment – outcomes on representation in decision-making structures
4. Health and survival – outcomes on life expectancy and sex ratio

What are your thoughts on this? Think anyone will care? (Side note - did it make NBC Nightly News). What can we do to decrease these gaps? In which categories do you think our scores were the worst?

The personal is political?

Do you feel like you have an issue? Like there are a lot of things you care about, but that there is just one thing, above all the other ones, that is your issue? I started to feel that way about choice issues in college.

The big thing for me when it comes to choice is that I feel like I'm necessary. While in actuality there are many young, pro-choice women, it doesn't always feel that way. I felt like I needed to become an advocate because there may not be someone else to step up in my place. Is this really the case? Maybe, maybe not. But it's enough to make me get involved in the movement.

So what happens when your issue becomes your job? I love my job, and I'm blessed to get to do work every single day that matters to me, and makes me feel like I'm making a difference. My mind is stimulated, my dedication is challenged and my soul is inspired every day.

But when I get home, I'm exhausted. I am so personally invested in the mission of the work I do that it has become more than a job. The books and blogs I want to read are about feminism and choice, the discussions I have are about this - even the blog posts I want to write, and I'm tired.

Anyone else out there in a similar situation? How do you balance when your passion becomes your work? How do you set boundaries that allow you to relax and rejuvenate? How do you avoid the burnout that seems to be inevitable in this situation?

New battles

Alright, what's the deal with the generational divide in feminism? I know I'm not the first person to wonder/write about this, but it's been on my mind lately and I want to see what others are thinking.

I went to a conference last week focused on generations, specifically in terms of the national feminist organization for which I work. We talked about a lot of the same old generational stereotypes - young women (millenials) don't want to do any of the hard work, we want things to be easy. We come in with fancy university degrees but don't have "practical experience" to back it up.

Hang on a second. The only reason we have those fancy university degrees is because the feminists before us fought HARD to achieve (some) equality in higher education. We didn't have the chance to march for civil rights - the feminists before us did that. No, we don't remember what it's like when abortion is illegal, and we have the feminists before us to thank for that.

Young women today are benfiting from the work of those who came before us. We want to take things to the next level, but not because we don't want to do the hard work. We want flexible schedules and a work/life balance - not because we don't care, but because we do care! We don't have to worry about being fired for becoming pregnant or quitting our jobs because we got married, in the same way our predecessors did. We have the luxury of worrying about things that older feminists might think are trivial.

A plea to older feminists: don't make us re-fight the battles that you already won for us. Young feminists are here, ready to step up to the plate. We want to be involved, we want to make a difference and we're ready to take over the work that you have so lovingly dedicated your life to.

Remember - you fought hard so that we wouldn't have to.

QLF Thoughts on Dr. Tiller's murder

It's difficult to even know where to begin, and it has taken me a few days to be able to own my feelings enough to put them into words. I work for an abortion provider, coordinating public affairs and all things volunteers. I am not a direct provider - I have never performed an abortion, or even assisted with one. I am however, part of an abortion provider, and proud to be.

I'm also a quarter-life feminist. I don't remember the brutal attacks on abortion providers in the 1980s and 1990s. Dr. Tiller's murder is the most extreme act of anti-choice violence that I can remember experiencing, and it's shaken me to the core.

First of all, I'm sad. I am so unbelievably sad. Dr. Tiller had a wife, four kids and ten grandchildren. I'm so sad for their loss. I'm sad for the loss of every woman in the United States. We lost a champion, one of only three providers willing to terminate a pregnancy when a woman's life is in danger.

I'm sad that Dr. Tiller lived the last twenty-plus years of his life in what could only be fear. Constant protesting at his clinic, appearances on "pro-life" hit-lists (the ultimate irony), his family threatened, being shot. Every morning when I get to work, I drive by protesters with huge, 5 foot signs. Every night when I leave work, I drive by protesters with huge, 5 foot signs. When I get home, I'm not threatened, no one follows me, my partner isn't harassed at work, and yet it wears on my spirit. How Dr. Tiller tolerated the additional hate and harassment, and that he had to brings me to tears.

I'm also angry. I'm angry that anyone in this world would be so full of hate that they would take someone's life. Seven abortion providers have now been murdered - how many anti-choice activists have been killed by someone who is pro-choice? ZERO.

It's not ok to let this go. Dr. Tiller should have seen patients yesterday, and more patients today. He should have celebrated holidays with his family this year, and retired from a lifetime of protecting women's health and enjoyed a restful retirement safe from threats and harassment.

This changes things for me. I was already committed to the movement, already willing to spend everyday working for abortion access in the United States. Now, I'm even more so. The extent to which anti-choice fanatics will go demonstrates the evil and misogynistic motives behind the "pro-life" movement, and it's time that we up our game.

Happy Mother's Day!

In honor of Mother's Day, I wanted to share words written in 1870 by Julia Ward Howe as a pacifist response to the horrors of the Civil War. Early Mother's Day in the United States was mostly marked by pacifist peace groups, and it seems fitting that early feminist activists would be behind honoring women and mothers.

At the end of the day, our mothers are also women, and today is a day to honor them for both reasons.

Mother's Day Proclamation:

Arise, then, women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts,
Whether our baptism be of water or of tears!

Say firmly:"We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country, will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

From the bosom of the devastated Earth a voice goes up with our own.
It says: "Disarm! Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of justice.
"Blood does not wipe out dishonor, nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil at the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel.

Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace,
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
But of God.

In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask
That a general congress of women without limit of nationality
May be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient
And at the earliest period consistent with its objects,
To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions,
The great and general interests of peace.
-Julia Ward Howe, 1870