It's difficult to even know where to begin, and it has taken me a few days to be able to own my feelings enough to put them into words. I work for an abortion provider, coordinating public affairs and all things volunteers. I am not a direct provider - I have never performed an abortion, or even assisted with one. I am however, part of an abortion provider, and proud to be.
I'm also a quarter-life feminist. I don't remember the brutal attacks on abortion providers in the 1980s and 1990s. Dr. Tiller's murder is the most extreme act of anti-choice violence that I can remember experiencing, and it's shaken me to the core.
First of all, I'm sad. I am so unbelievably sad. Dr. Tiller had a wife, four kids and ten grandchildren. I'm so sad for their loss. I'm sad for the loss of every woman in the United States. We lost a champion, one of only three providers willing to terminate a pregnancy when a woman's life is in danger.
I'm sad that Dr. Tiller lived the last twenty-plus years of his life in what could only be fear. Constant protesting at his clinic, appearances on "pro-life" hit-lists (the ultimate irony), his family threatened, being shot. Every morning when I get to work, I drive by protesters with huge, 5 foot signs. Every night when I leave work, I drive by protesters with huge, 5 foot signs. When I get home, I'm not threatened, no one follows me, my partner isn't harassed at work, and yet it wears on my spirit. How Dr. Tiller tolerated the additional hate and harassment, and that he had to brings me to tears.
I'm also angry. I'm angry that anyone in this world would be so full of hate that they would take someone's life. Seven abortion providers have now been murdered - how many anti-choice activists have been killed by someone who is pro-choice? ZERO.
It's not ok to let this go. Dr. Tiller should have seen patients yesterday, and more patients today. He should have celebrated holidays with his family this year, and retired from a lifetime of protecting women's health and enjoyed a restful retirement safe from threats and harassment.
This changes things for me. I was already committed to the movement, already willing to spend everyday working for abortion access in the United States. Now, I'm even more so. The extent to which anti-choice fanatics will go demonstrates the evil and misogynistic motives behind the "pro-life" movement, and it's time that we up our game.
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